"So what if he is decorated like a Huffy?"
Now, I realize that some of you may not know who this guy is, and that is okay. For those that do, bear with me. James Hellwig, born June 15, 1959, was a bodybuilder-turned-professional wrestler from Indiana. Not to get too into the history, as I am sure that is not the reason any of you read my blog (it's cute that I think people read this, isn't it), but he joined the WWF in 1987. It wasn't long before he was the Intercontinental Champion (basically second place), and eventually defeated Hulk Hogan in Wrestlemania VI to become the World Champion, briefly holding both titles simultaneously, being the first to do so. So there is a little background for you, now let's move on to why I care.
Just to clear the air, I stopped watching wrestling in 1991-1992, when I was around 10. I think that is the appropriate age to stop watching staged fighting. Look at my brother, though, who watched it until at least 15 or so with me (yeah, I called you out, Brad, what are you going to do about it). However, up until that point, this guy was my favorite--our favorite--on-screen personality. This guy was amazing; to come into an event where everyone is doing some over-the-top acting and immediately take the spotlight took a lot. His entrance alone was enough to impregnate women and cause permanent priapism at the same time. Not only was the Warrior super jacked and tan, but he wore face paint! And he was insane! Seriously, if you are going to click on one link out of all of my ramblings, it should be that one. You didn't do it, did you...now I'm sad. Moving on!
I remember the day my brother came back from a trip to Minot (that's in North Dakota, for all those who don't know) with the Hasbro WWF ring and two figures: Hulk Hogan and Andre the Giant.
"With a combined steroid weight of 1,175 lbs..."
I was pumped! With this, we were going to be able to re-enact the battles we had seen on TV for so long! I know you can't get as excited about that, but you are wrong, and I hate you. But something was off; mainly that not only is it dumb for Randy Savage to be posing in cliched 80's sunglasses while being gorilla pressed, but we didn't have the Warrior! I don't remember when we actually got him, but we did, and it was glorious. In fact, I remember the tenacity my big brother had when asking confused Target workers if they had any other figures in the back of the store (they actually would bring the box out sometimes and let us dig through it). I don't know why I remember things like that, other than it was probably one of the last times he and I truly worked together towards a common goal, and things like that tend to stick out in my mind (that should make up for calling you out earlier). Tonka's Wrestling Buddies also came out around the same time. Now, I don't think anyone knows about this outside of my brother and sister, but I had one stuffed animal that I can remember (a teddy bear...a killer teddy bear), and I used to cut out and color a Warrior mask for it to use since we never had a wrestling buddy.
"They aren't dolls, so stop laughing"
We actually were able to see the Warrior perform as part of a tag team with Kerry Von Erich against Rick Rude (another favorite of mine) and Mr. Perfect in Dallas, TX. I know many of you don't care, but the story of Kerry Von Erich and the tragedy of his family is unrivaled, and I highly suggest looking it up. At this point in the story, the alcohol is wearing off, and I realize how odd it may seem that I am writing about a wrestler. Well, you are reading it, so what does that make you? Don't judge me. Okay, now that we have come to an understanding, let's flash forward a bit.
So, as stated, I stopped watching wrestling when I was about 10. I wasn't sure up to that point if it was real or not, but I was leaning towards it being sort of fake. Also, UW left for a time, so there wasn't much left to entertain me. I suppose you could also argue I was also getting a little old for that sort of thing to consume my time. Either way, I left it behind.
I became interested in girls, sports (real ones), and money, and then joined the military. It was several years into my military service--and several pounds of fat--that I reacquainted myself with the Warrior, who would eventually inspire me to get back into shape. They guy wasn't the most respected entertainer out there, but it was undeniable how he had influenced those that watched him. Today, most that know me are aware how much of an influence James Hellwig had on my life. At a time when I had allowed myself to get disgustingly out of shape, I had an inspiration to push my limits to go further in my exercises every day. A sticker of his face paint adorns my hockey helmet, and a couple of his action figures even sit atop the shelves in our spare room (at this point, they aren't toys, they are decorations), and guess what? I finally have that Wrestling Buddy, along with Hulk Hogan, permanently resting on the couch in the same room! How exciting is that?! A question mark accentuated by an exclamation point means it is pretty exciting. I am pleasantly surprised my wife puts up with all of this, but seriously, would you say no to a guy who is not only the self-proclaimed king of read-heads, but also strives to become all yolked like the Warrior? The answer is no, no you wouldn't.
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"See? This belt means I am king, Kristi and Andy (they know who they are)"
That picture was taken a while ago, when I had less hair. Anyway, we are losing the point here. At a time when I had lost what I wanted to be, this insane character was able to bring me back to my goals. Reminiscing about the UW has not only been a way to dig deep and find the little warrior inside of me to push harder (okay, I deserve to be laughed at there), but it also serves as a sort of portal to a memory of times long past; of an era when innocence overcame the reason of these events being real, and possibly most importantly when my older brother and I were able to achieve a common goal via our childhood imagination.
Is this my finest piece? No, not at all. In fact, in the future some newspaper is going to turn me down for a job because of this blog, but who cares? I just hope you are able to grasp the point of this story: when it comes down to accomplishing our goals, maybe we all need a little bit of what the Ultimate Warrior has shown. He came from "parts unknown," and it is there to which he returns.
